My husband, 16-month-old son and I were up for hours last night, something that has been happening a few times a week for the last month or so.
We have coslept since my son's birth, and for the majority of his life he has been an excellent, sound sleeper. It has only been recently that nights have become incredibly trying. Although the Kiddo is his usual happy self during the day and goes to bed easily, he will start screaming abruptly in the middle of the night seemingly without provocation. He will nurse rather fitfully, but for the most part spends hours tossing and turning and hollering at the top of his lungs. He becomes very averse to being touched or held, buckling his back away from me and DH, and flailing around in general. It is a very disorienting and disheartening thing to experience, and we hurt so much for him, knowing that whatever is bothering him is SO intense. Meanwhile, of course, we are left completely drained.
Usually after a rough night the Kiddo falls asleep at dawn and sleeps solidly for several hours (he is doing so as I type this). By the time he wakes up he's back to his old cheerful, playful self but I'm left exhausted and worn out.
I am not sure what is causing the issue, but I have a couple of theories:
1) Teething. Although most days pass without any extreme teething symptoms (i.e. fever, runny nose, fussing), it is hard to deny that the Kiddo has new teeth popping in like crazy. I can't help but think that this is contributing to his nighttime angst. Maybe the pain is there during the day as well but it intensifies at night? Or maybe it's just that DS is more distracted during the day, busy playing and engaging with the world, whereas at night the teething is front and center and impossible to ignore.
2) General developmental stage. I am amazed by how much the Kiddo is growing every day -- both physically and mentally. Every day is like an explosion of discoveries: language, interpersonal skills, mastering of new concepts. Plus, he's totally developing his own clear identity in a whole new way, with major new tactics of asserting himself and his desires. Every day I look at him and see the baby slipping away and a little boy emerging. It is amazing and exciting for all of us, but it must be quite taxing on him on a deep level at the same time. I've been thinking that the nighttime experiences could be a reflection of that. A kind of release of the tensions that come along with living inside a body/mind that is becoming something entirely new every day.
All that being said, I would love to get back to a peaceful sleep pattern, and soon! The only two things that have provided any kind of relief from the screaming so far are kind of impractical and disruptive in themselves (although preferable to hours of outright violent screaming!) They are:
1) Me getting out of bed and wearing the Kiddo in a wrap. If I do this while bouncing on our yoga ball, he chills out and goes back to sleep. But then, obviously, there I am wide awake, bouncing on a yoga ball, so it doesn't solve the problem of ME getting sleep. Occasionally I am able to lay him back down after a while, but often he just goes berserk again when I start to get him out of the wrap.
2) Last night we actually resorted to playing the Kiddo's favorite movie (Annie) on my laptop in bed. Extreme, I know, and not really a long-term liveable solution, but man did it reverse the agony! Almost instantly those tears were drying and the Kiddo was smiling through It's a Hard Knock Life. This was a desperate-times-call-for-desperate-measures kind of moment, but after so many sleepless nights I'm not really sorry we did it.
Anyway, I guess the bottom line is that I don't have any solid answers, I just felt like sharing and inviting people to advise me on how to cope with this difficult phase. If you have insights, comment away!
Thursday, October 30, 2008
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Could it be a food allergy?
ReplyDeleteHmmm...my guess would be teething. We bed share (co-sleep - whatever) with our almost 11 mo. old and she's had some nights like that - and it's been teething most of the time but sometimes it seems there isn't an explanation - bad dream, development, etc...Most of the time nursing immediately calms her but yeah, those unexplainable times, nursing wouldn't work at first for a little while. But gosh, thank goodness for co-sleeping (bed sharing:) - I don't know how nursing mamas do it w/o that. Hope you get some sleep tonight! When there's a difficult phase going on I think back to other difficult times and I hardly remember them - they seem like forever ago, ya know? They all pass. I just keep thinking - "this too shall pass"...but I really want to live in the moment too so it's hard. Sorry so long! :) Have a good one.
ReplyDeleteec wear might be onto something with the food allergy suggestion, but i suspect you'd have other indicators, like his scratching at his hands and feet, to go along with the screaming. my daughter has a lot of food and environmental allergies, and she always itches along with her sleeplessness.
ReplyDeletemy vote is that he's having nightmares. unfortunately, i don't have a solution for it, but just after a year is about the time my daughter started with those. his reactions to your touch sound like it could even be night terrors, which i have read is fairly common in very young children and might be worth looking into.
good luck!
This sounds so tough, Leigh...but I can say that it is so inspiring to read the way you describe how your little guy is growing up and becoming his own person. A poetic post despite the stressful topic!
ReplyDeleteOh dear I remember those night!!! Hope you'll have more sleep soon!
ReplyDeleteYikes! Levi has similar problems when teething. We've recently been through a couple of weeks of it. I feel your pain. It's exhausting beyond belief--not to mention awful to watch your baby go through. Good luck to you, T, and the kiddo.
ReplyDeleteOh - I can feel your pain...and his. I remember my little one doing this at various stages. No fun for anyone. Good for you for keeping him close so that even though he is going through a tough time, he feels loved and comforted through all of it...even if it is so hard on you and hubby. Could be teething, could be food allergies, could be gas in his tummy, could be acid in his tummy. It seems to not sound like nightmares only because there seems to be discomfort and pain due to the flailing and pushing you away. Try soothing his tummy with a massage, or turning him on his belly and rubbing/patting his back with his bottom slightly higher than his head if it is gas. Try chamomile tea before bed. Try cutting out what you think might be a food causing the problem for a week or two. You are clearly tuned in to your sweet kiddo...I am sure that with your mama insight you will divine the truth and restful nights will be just around the corner.
ReplyDeleteOh, that's a toughie! Our little girl went through the same thing at the same age (she's now 22 months). She would wake up around 3am and want to stay up until about 5:30am. We chalked it up to teething.
ReplyDeleteWe switched nights/early mornings so that we could get some sleep at least every other night. She grew out of it about three months ago.
That's tough. My little cousin was the same way. My aunt and uncle really had a hard time dealing with that for a few months but then they said he just stopped crying at night. The only thing they did was they would wait til the baby -wanted- to get held/touched (the baby would usually then hold on to my aunt). It was more the comfort than anything.
ReplyDeleteMy daughter goes through similar phases. Currently she is 22 months old and will wake in the night thrashing and whining like her mommy is gone forever until I scoop her up and nurse her. She's had several such phases and they sort of come and go. I'd say, try to stay in the bed and not give in to offering other methods of sleep, trying to let him resolve it on his own. That way you don't create a pattern of having to wake up and bounce him around during the night. Good luck! You are not alone in this.
ReplyDeleteMy daughter did the same thing when teething, especially those times when the teeth were actually breaking through the gums. It can be so exhausting! The only things I found that helped were Hyland's teething tablets, and if those failed to work I sometimes resorted to Motrin. We also got her an amber teething necklace, and after she started wearing it she has not ever had another night like that!
ReplyDelete